Time Changes- Bodies Change With Age.

^13 Years old, with bad Anorexia.

^15 at healthy weight

^16 starting to fill into my body

^Me at 20 years old, healthy physically

What do all these pictures have in common? They are all me. I started to restrict when I was 10 years old. It started at school, then progressed to at home. 13 years old, I was under 90 pounds. Very malnourished at one point so terrified to even drink water. The next picture is me at 15, I was generally healthy. I was a late bloomer, with growing into my body. I was a runner, I excersized ALOT. I was always in the gym before or after therapy, and every chance I got. Though I was healthy, my eating disorder thoughts drifted into my thoughts once in a while. The next picture is me again at 16 years old. I had finally gotten a chest, not large but one. I was working out alot still, not loving my body because of my body growing. I didnt have a father to show me the right way a guy should treat me. I was in and out of abusive relationships with girls, also hung out with boys that only wanted me for sex. Growing up with sexual abuse was hard to deal with, the fact that I didnt know who to date, or how I should be treated was very hard. The last picture is of me today, my body has fully grown into my 20 year old body. I have eating disorder thoughts but at this point being able to push them out of my head is easier.

Im here to tell you girls, that your body will change. You will grow into your chest, your period will come (youll probably hate it). Love your body, to love someones body closely enough to touch you have to love yours. Hug yourself.

Keep strong my fellow mental health worries

15 and a Psych hospital.

Alot of places take visitors phones away so they can’t take pictures of other patients. My mom took this picture of me in a psychiatric hospital, at 15 years old, 5 years ago. I was on a 1:1, that means I was in a arms reach of a staff every second of the day. Yes, that includes the bathroom. The shower curtain had to be open, they had to feel how warm the water was to make sure it wasnt ‘to hot’. Life in a psychiatric hospital isnt what people think of. Its not what the ‘institutions’ we see in the Movies or on the Tv show ‘American Horror Story’. You are on a schedule, you get up and go to bed at a set time. You are given your medications by a nurse. You have groups all through out the day. Its not glorious, but its not the worst place to be either.

Just remember that your there to get help, and that not everything will be easy. That getting healthly is worth it.

Keep it up mental health warriors!!

Hallucinations-PTSD-Not Alone

http://ptsdwifey.com/ptsd-hallucinations-audio-visual/

^This blog explains a lot of things that people with PTSD Hallucinations might deal with. I deal with psychotic symptoms from PTSD I was diagnosed with Early-Onset Childhood Schizophrenia. When really It was/is PTSD psychotic symptoms. I have dealt with this sense I was 7 years old, I was diagnosed at 15 almost 16 with Childhood Schizophrenia. I am working with my mental health team to get the diagnosis switched in my chart. Having trauma especially sexual trauma, and emotional trauma was the hardest for me. I felt that my body wasn’t actually mine, and that I don’t have to let anyone respect it. I know that now my body is mine, and it needs to be respected. I still have my rough days, I still have days that my Hallucinations spike and it feels like I cant function. There are days I wish I could cuddle up and just sleep, cry, and never get up. I push myself to get better, I push myself to get out of bed and I try to do 1 thing that is healthy. Whether that’s a shower, eating a meal, walking outside, or just cleaning up a bit. Its always good to have relaxing days to calm down a little, and decompress from life. All I can say is do it healthy, remember why you wake up everyday. Remember that eventually things get easier, it may not be right away. Nothing happens overnight, but I promise that things get better.

Keep pushing on my fellow mental health warriors

 

Stigma With Mental Illness

Living with a mental illness is already hard, then there are people who look at your chart and it scares them, this happens a lot. Doctors that aren’t in the mental health field know a little about it, they might not be trained. With the little training they do, they know enough to get by [most of the time] all I can say with this is to do your best to educate. Their doctors, most of the time they want to learn. In my situation I have the diagnosis of Schizoaffective Disorder when people hear that they assume I’m dangerous, all I can do is educate, tell them about books that explain it well. There sometimes are websites [makes sure they are credible] most importantly explain how they can help you best. There is horrible stigma attached to Schizoaffective Disorder, especially in my case where I have been in and out of psychiatric hospitals my entire life. They read about the times I was restrained, that was a rough time in my past, and it was never me lashing out at anyone.  Unfortunately It was me hurting myself. I get a lot of nurses even at my General Practitioner’s office, not knowing how to handle my diagnosis. They ask a lot of unnecessary questions that I’m pretty sure they don’t ask anyone else. Do I want the door shut or closed? Do I need someone to sit with me? Do I need anything? Should they check on me? Sometimes the questions get overwhelming and its not necessary. The doctors/my team would normally inform them on what I needed. They aren’t trained in mental health, do I personally think that NEEDS to be changed? Yes, but I believe they should be trained by professionals AND by US the people who have mental illness. What I want to get a crossed, is the stigma attached to mental illness is just that a stigma. It hurts that people believe in everything associated with the stigma. That how our world works today, I hope it changes very soon, and peoples eyes open up.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder HURRY UP!

“So the pie isn’t perfect? Cut it into wedges. Stay in control.”
-Martha Stewart

You would like to think telling us [people that have OCD] to just ‘hurry up’ is going to help? No, it make its worse! Washing hands can be hard to stop, I have a checking compulsion in which opening the door has to be a certain number. Telling me to just hurry up so that we can leave. Its going to make me have to do it more. For us that have to do it more times than it takes normal people in everyday routines. Its not going to help, it might actually do more harm. It will make us more anxious, might make us have a panic attack, shut down, or even become angry or grumpy at you.
Another thing that isn’t helpful at all that I thought I should mention in this blog. Is that please don’t tell someone they are ‘a little OCD’ .. Its kind of like a caterpillar that keeps growing, bigger, and BIGGER, this one doesn’t turn into a beautiful butterfly until its managed. The ‘a little OCD’ can turn into ‘a lot of OCD’ even without someone telling them that. When someone discounts something about you it hurts, and it shows that you aren’t supportive. It could damage the relationship, and make the person try to run away. Its always good to stay close, and once in a while tell them that they are doing good, your proud of them for working so hard. OCD isn’t something that over night goes away. EVEN on medication.