I Wanna Feel Safe

There’s a time in your life were your parents took care of you. Right? Wrong, my parents had money. That’s not exactly taking care of your child. They gave me a lot (money wise) that a lot of children want so bad. One thing I feel I was not given was unconditional love. I tried to give myself that love at a young age. By age 7 my demons started to pry that love for myself. Around 10 all that love was gone, I felt like I didn’t have any more to give to myself. By 13 I tried to tale my own life, there wasn’t any love left. I went into the psychiatric hospital, where I was suppose to receive ‘help’ and feel ‘safe’ .. I was terrified, I got yelled at for everything. When I told them I was hearing voices and seeing things that others didn’t. They didn’t believe me, even after I told the cops that ‘man’ tried to kill me. (My most aggressive hallucination at the time) I wasnt in touch when the cops interviewed me. I wasn’t at the hospital after running at a patient with a rock, yelling ‘400 get away’ before getting tackled. We go into these places hoping we will be treated with kindness, recpect, and will get help. That wasn’t the  case until I was much older 16, when I tried to kill myself again. Where finally a psychiatrist listened. I was hostile because no one believed or listened before. He observed me for 4 days before coming to the conclusion that I was schizophrenic and needed more evaluation. I spent the next 3 weeks getting ready to switch to a specialized psychiatric hospital to get further tested. At last I was safe, I was being heard, I was cared for, believed. Remember you don’t have to kill yourself, to be listened to. Just speak, tell as many people that will listen until your heard. Eventually someone to hear some where. 

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